When i saw alex yesterday, he had bird poop on his face.

It's been a good couple of weeks. I'm almost done with midterms, got one more paper to do and then another biochem midterm in a few weeks and then finals. Biochem is weird because it is completely non-cumulative, even the final is just another test on the last 3 weeks of material. It will be interesting, I've never had a class that wasn’t cumulative. I no longer need to know the citric acid cycle or anything.

Yesterday was Andrew's birthday and he doesn't like birthday, so he went downtown, but we hung out and went to the point and at least I had a good day. We had voted to move Jake’s birthday to this friday and mine is in a week. I will be 21. I’m so old. Crazy.

I have started seeing Mike, he's a lawyer, we get along well. Somehow this has started various bouts of talking with Jake that I don’t really understand, but suppose will work themselves out. I really dislike talking, it happens occasionally, but in general it is stressful and unpleasant for me.

I really love my mammals class. I'm hoping I did ok on the midterm, we get it back next class. I also hope I did well on my paper for my gender in renaissance lit class, I really liked writing the paper, I hope she enjoyed reading it.

Housing lottery is tonight, and I don’t have to go, because I am moving off campus. The apartment is so appealing, I'm really looking forward to living with Zach and Andrew and Rose and having the place to ourselves and our own kitchen with our own stuff and our own living room and porch and parking space and all those wonderful things. Housing is always such a loaded issue where friends don’t always make good roommates and vice versa, but you just have to find the right people.

I wish I had a replay button. I don’t want to go back and change anything (well, I do, but that’s not the point right now), I just wish I could go back and watch how things developed. I regret not remembering how things got to be the way they are now. I regret the loss of formative experiences that could perhaps shed light on the way things are now. I wish I didn't lose the defining encounters that created the current status. It would be such an interesting study to go back and see how I interacted with others without memories being tainted with the current relationship. Would we have to be more honest with ourselves and others if we could go back and see how things have changed? Would it slow progress? Would we be so nostalgic that even if we see it from an objective movie screen that we would still not understand how and who we were in that moment?

Speaking of relationships, I've been thinking about what makes a relationship, friendship, significant others, acquaintances. Do my classifications make any sense to anyone other than myself? I have a weird hierarchical system but its groups. I try to look at my relationship with each person as unique and yet it is hard not to compare people. I know each person has a different set of qualities that I respond to and I act different with different people and this system is just my way of naming how I feel about people who are so very different. I don’t mean for anyone to be offended by it, I don’t even expect anyone to really understand it. It just there for me.

If people are offended by my system of categories, then should I change it? Can I even change something so basic as how I view my relationships with other people? Maybe I should just pretend to change it and stop letting people know what is really going on in my brain, yeah, that sounds like a good idea.

How important is communication anyway? I have always felt it to be incredibly important, but maybe it’s just what you and the other person get out of it that matters. It doesn’t matter if the result is truth or accurate representation of one’s self, just as long as someone is benefited by the image. Is creating the image detrimental to anyone? If it is, how do we know?

Can’t they just understand that I’m trying?