Teddy bear dream

I had another strange dream, and for some reason I want to write it down here. As background, I have a teddy bear that I've had since I was three or so. I really like it a lot and I use it as a second pillow most nights.

The dream:
I was babysitting two little girls, one about 6 months and the other maybe 1.5 years or so. I was in the back of my parents car and they were driving, I was holding the little one and the older one was crawling over me for fun, so I had my hands very full. I think we were moving somewhere, but I'm not sure. So the car slows in traffic and there is a huge thing in the road, a tire or something. My mom steps out of the passenger seat to get the tire and move it to the side of the road, and then the traffic starts before she has a chance to get back in, so we drive slowly and there is a huge curve coming up, so she can just get in on the other side of the curve. But the car door is open, and my teddy bear falls out into the road. It goes onto an upper level of the sidewalk and my mom follows the lower level which is closer to the road. I'm watching my teddy bear rolling in the road, getting more and more black with oil and dirt. She walks past the teddy bear and gets into the car. I'm telling myself that she did what she needed to in order to get in the car fastest, but the two levels converge at about the same point as where we pick her up, so she could have gone on the upper level and gotten him, but that wasn't obvious at the beginning. I'm telling myself that I won't cry, not in front of the kids, I will just let it go, and then it occurs to me that I will never again have that teddy bear, and I burst into tears. I wake up almost crying.

I've been going over it all day and the only analysis I can come up with is that a combination of my parents trying to help and children will ultimately cause me to give up my childhood. I've been thinking recently about all my friends getting apartments, about people staying in Chicago to do cool work, and other aspects of growing up. I guess I'm not really as grown up as I sometimes like to think I am.

purple

magnolias

stone face

quilt I helped make

Strange and Beautiful

I had a strange dream last night. It was the apocalypse and the world was completely falling apart. The ground was shaking and there was that heavy feeling in the air that you get right after or before it rains. I was middle aged and living in a house with a veranda overlooking a cliff down to the sea. It looked like something out of a book I read as a child called The Lupin Lady. I was sitting in a rocking chair, very calmly, watching the world fall apart. The sky was falling into the sea, literally huge, beautiful, blue boulders crashing into the ocean about 1/2 mile out. It was so beautiful. I just sat there, watching it all, not doing anything, not worrying, just being in awe.

on a slightly more realistic note, I got a summer job today! I'm going to be a day camp counselor at Kopernik observatory in Binghamton for 6 weeks starting July 4. Its going to be a great job, I'm excited about it. I will also have roughly 3-4 weeks between when i get home and when work starts, and another month or so after work is over and I have to go back to school. Hopefully I'll be able to do a little bit of pick-up work and extra chores perhaps to make some extra money. I also plan to do some hiking. that would be awesome.

ok, now that I have just gotten off the phone with my friends who are back home, having fun and watching a movie, I thoroughly dont want to do my problem set, but i must, so i am off!