def: therum

1)something that is supposed to be true because it has not yet been proven false

2)that sticky stuff that comes out of the pb&j that is a mixture of the pb and j

Do you feel betrayed? Are you the betrayer?

I woke up with the strong desire to do something for the world. I made cinnamon rolls and coffee. Then watched Grey's Anatomy, which made me want to do something for the world even more. So I made an appointment to give blood today. I haven't technically reached the 5-year cancer-free mark, but I'm pretty damn close and I have always said I would be one to give blood a lot, I want to test myself. Maybe I will fail for some reason like my iron is too low.

I'm also meeting with someone to talk about doing Teach For America today. I kind of want to do it. And (I dont know how I feel about this yet) but sticking around in Chicago for 2 more years...well, it might just be all the reason I need.

My best friend almost got killed this weekend. Ok, thats a bit of a stretch, but maybe not. I'm glad she's ok. If something had happened... well, I might just die too. I know I wouldnt, but I would want to. Now I'm being morbid.

This weekend was way too unproductive. I need to stop that. Like woah. I'm an idiot and now it's not just affecting me, so yeah, that's the end of that. Crunch time. I've apparently stopped making complete sentances.

Also, this made my weekend: Michael Pollan, one of my favorite writers EVAR replied to my fan-email and told me to introduce myself at his speech in November here in chicago. As I may have already told a few people, I'm PSYCHED!! I'm totally going to bring his books to have him sign them.

And now to get dressed and change the world.

::edit:: I dont know how I feel about the probably fact that no one reads this. I think it's kind of comforting. Does that negate the purpose of an online journal?

::edit:: I am also thinking about finally becoming a cuddler. And by thinking about, I mean I have filled out the application.

i feel awful today

i feel awful today and im not entirely sure why. i woke up and my stomach was killing me (particularly on the right side which led to me freaking out about appendicitis). i've just slept all day and laid around because my stomach hurts. i've skipped my classes because i dont feel that i could pay attention, but now i have to go to lab because i can't miss that. we're cutting up fish heads. i'm really hoping i dont get more sick looking at dead fish (which everyone knows is my favorite kind of dead animal) and trying to find all their little skull bones. anyway, i should go do that now, uhg.

in other news, looking forward to seeing the neofuturarium tomorrow.

i wish i could tell you - to various people

(idea stolen from clara)

- you are my bedrock, i will always love you. you've had a much harder life than me and are the strongest person i've ever met.

- i'm sorry for what i said so long ago, please get the fuck over it.

- you missed out on me because of your preconceptions.

- how can you expect me to be there for you when you distance yourself like this?

- you think you have it all figured out. you dont. at least we all recognize that we don't have it right yet.

- i wish you would accept who you are instead of trying to be everything to everyone all at once.

- i never thought i would care about you like this, it hurts that i dont mean the same to you.

- im starting to believe you never meant it.

- i wish i could show you how others see you, maybe then you would change. until then, i never want to see you again.

- I'm waiting for you to get hurt.

- I'm scared by what this means, I'm scared by what I want this to be. I'm scared you aren't, and that you are.

-you are the coolest person i know, how can you not see that?

-i'm afraid we are growing apart.

on a weekend apart

this weekend was spent away from everything serious about the real world. friday i got pizza and watched a movie with frank, which was utterly lovely. saturday I went to the dunes with people and walked and walked and walked and also dug for crabs, found cool rocks, had a picnic, watched people roll down the dunes, etc. it was a blast. Saturday night i got together with andrew yoder for a beer with zach at jimmy's. frank showed up later after working on a paper all day and we went to clarks for pancakes and soup. then home again and to sleep. sunday frank and i went to lunch at valois which is always awesome (oo, speaking of which, i totally leftovers for breakfast today, score!). then sunday evening i had dinner with danit and then went to shoreland to watch grey's anatomy and pranked jake. it was a lot of fun. and now back to the real world...

On Feeling Smart

Today was a very good day.

I had my first discussion section that I lead. I think it went very well. Everyone participated, the discussion ranged pretty well, it deviated from the reading a bit, but stuck to the overarching topic of science vs. other disciplines and its role in schooling.

I also made it on time to primates class after writing my response to how female chimpanzees have more sex than female bonobos while in estrus, but over the course of their lifetimes, female bonobos spend more time in estrus and therefore have more sex during their entire lifetime than female chimpanzees.

I went to the field museum with my anatomy class and knew a bunch of answers that the TA didnt even know, so I felt really smart helping my classmates with the skulls and wierd questions and helping the TA answer a bunch of student's questions.

Now I have some physics to do, a poetry paper to write for thursday, another response for thursday, and various other readings. This weekend I think I may have been signed up to go to the Indiana Dunes, which would be fun, I just wish I knew if I have been signed up or not.

Overall..vowing to have a good day this morning apparently worked.. either that or reading articles about giant extinct camels and jelly mistaken for nuclear waste makes one's day better.

edit: even though physics alludes me, i'm still smart.

awesome

everything is going so well. my classes are totally awesome, i love them all, the two bio classes, a poetry class, and physics. my room is a total mess, i havent completely unpacked yet, but i'll work on that tomorrow and this weekend (nevermind the fact that i said that last weekend). my first discussion section for my ta job is tuesday, i'm kind of nervous, but also kind of excited. we're going to the field museum next week for my anatomy class, thats always fun. tomorrow i'm planning on watching the first three episodes of grey's anatomy with laura because i've been terribly behind in watching it and shes got them on her computer. im so excited! other than that, i may go contra-dancing saturday, i'm making dinner with leah sometime, good stuff. most people seem to be having a really rough start-of-the-year, but mine is going swimmingly.

(I feel like everything i say is so obvious, he makes me so happy, but its more than that too...)