beginning, middle, end

so, i had my last day of class in college today/yesterday (i have been awake since yesterday even though it is now almost 3:30am). I have been not sleeping for the past few days because of intense and i mean intense working. i have been writing and grading and studying like there is no tomorrow, and in a big way i feel that there kind of is no tomorrow. i can't fathom a world where i dont live with my parents or on campus. i can't think about what it must be like to go to work every day, come home, make dinner, and be a real, live, grown adult person capable of real life activites that come with being done with school (at least for now). i feel like someone is taking off the training wheels, and im pretty sure it wont make much of a difference, but ive fallen before, even with the training wheels on, and now there wont even be someone holding onto the back of the bike with me. its exciting, and lonely, and scary, and amazing. anyway, im working on my last paper, writing about snakes. i recently pumped out a paper on tigers and another on primates, and its very cool that all my papers this quarter have been animal based, it makes them more fun. ive got to turn in this paper by tomorrow morning and then go to a final for which i still have studying to do. wow.. i dont think im going to sleep at all between now and the end of the test. ok.. time to go finish up college!

heroes

I have become completely addicted to the show heroes. My roommate was having a mutual friend over to watch it so I caught up watching a few episodes on the internet and then watched it with them. I have concluded that it is awesome. I really like this idea of humans who can do special things, like x-men, or pretty much any superhero, but along with the genetic component rather than random actions like spider bites. I know that this is not really a realistic notion, but it is more realistic than getting hit with space radiation that gives you special powers instead of just cancer. Anyway, I'm completely addicted to watching it now. It's amazing.

life goes on

a couple things have happened:

i started taking paul sereno's anatomy class and it is pretty awesome. im having a lot of fun. i dropped marine ecology in favor of a fairy tales class and it was a good decision. i was dying of boredom in the marine class.

i did not get a teach for america position, which makes me really sad, but i'm going to apply for a couple other programs because i think i would be a good teacher and it would be a good thing to do for the years between undergrad and grad (and while i figure out what i want to go to grad school for).

I got into a class for next quarter called field ecology which means that i get to go on a field trip to florida for 10 days during spring break. its going to be a lot of fun especially because Erica is going to be taking it as well. i havent ever had a class with her and it is really going to be a lot of fun. especially since there is a field trip involved.

for some odd reason, robins are everywhere around campus, it is really strange. any idea why?

i like star wars, its pretty cool. its good to watch while working (or pretending to) on physics homework. i guess it will have to be done tomorrow afternoon instead... oh well.

i'm writing this from leah's computer and i really like her keyboard, it makes me want to keep typing.

waiting for it all to fall down around me

i feel scared and insecure. but everything is going well. school is going well, i like (most of) my classes, and the one i dont i think i am going to drop anyway because its incredibly boring so far. (marine ecology! who would have thought it would be boring?) my roommates are lovely, i have a bunch of great great friends. frank is good, but busy. i've applied for teach for america and i am really hoping to get in, even if i chose that it is not the right avenue for me and i don't accept, right now i dont know if it is the right path or not. true, i havent unpacked from christmas break yet and some other various loose ends, but i still feel like everything else is just on the verge of collapse. i got pretty mad at a really good friend of mine and although i still think my arguments were valid, i really feel now like i was taking it out on him. i feel like im becoming addicted to caffiene and alcohol and being needed. i need to stop, step back, and try to figure out whats going on here, but i dont think its something i can figure out. my future will not be decided by my thinking about it. it is just something that needs to happen. i dont know. sometimes i wish i could tell the future, but then what? everything in me and everything around me is telling me that i dont want to know. so what does that mean?

happy christmas

even though i have been accused of (confused for?) being british by saying that, i wish you all a very happy christmas or whatever holiday you choose to celebrate. and also an upcoming happy new year.